I received a text yesterday asking if I knew the laining for shishi. Over the years I have lained here and there, so I opened the chumash to see if I knew shishi. It turns out I knew it by heart. “Vayihi binsoa haaron vayomer moshe…” After two pesukim I realized I didn’t know the other 29 so I politely declined.
Inclosing these famous pesukim that many of us know by heart we find a peculiar sight in the sefer torah: backwards nuns. (A precursor to the parenthesis or brackets we are used to.)
The Gemara comments that these brackets are to signify that this text is somewhat out of place, and it is located here to divide bein puraniyos lpuraniyos, between two tragedies. This comment sparks a discussion in the rishonim to identify the two tragedies.
The second tragedy is obvious – we complained about not having meat.
Identifying the first tragedy takes a little effort. The gemara simply points to the words “vayisu mehar Hashem,” they traveled from the mountain of Hashem. Many of the commentaries explain the tragedy by quoting the midrash: the Jewish people left Har Sinai k’tinok haboreach mibeit hasefer, like schoolchildren running away from school. They don’t want to remain at Har Sinai; they are itching to leave.
The issue with this Midrash is that there’s no where to run. Am Yisroel finds itself situated in the middle of a desert. Running away isn’t going to accomplish very much. Without the protection of the annanei hakavod, the clouds of glory, they cannot survive the desert environment. You can’t go for a stroll in the desert and take the ananei hakavod with you: “al pi Hashem nisau al pi Hashem yachanu.” They traveled and encamped only by the word of Hashem. They left Har Sinai because the annanei hakavod left Har Sinai, Hashem wants them to leave; they have no choice but to leave. The only other option is to remain and die in the desert. How can we call them tinok haboreach? They have no say in the matter!
The obvious answer is that they are punished for their attitude. They weren’t like students ditching their final period of school; they waited for the last bell. But they were excited that school was over, that the Har Sinai experience concluded. The Jewish people camped by Har Sinai for close to a year. Each year at the Pesach seder, we sing ilu kirvanu lifnei har sinai vlo nassan lanu es hatorah dayenu. It would be enough to simply be present at Har Sinai, even if we never received the Torah. Our mere presence at Har Sinai was special, spiritual, uplifting- but we were ready to run from that powerful experience.
I heard a suggestion by Yeshiva University Rosh Yeshiva Rav Meir Goldvicht which I believe digs deeper.
Turn to the end of the parsha: Miriam speaks lashon hara and is stricken with tzaraas.
וַתִּסָּגֵ֥ר מִרְיָ֛ם מִח֥וּץ לַֽמַּחֲנֶ֖ה שִׁבְעַ֣ת יָמִ֑ים וְהָעָם֙ לֹ֣א נָסַ֔ע עַד־הֵאָסֵ֖ף מִרְיָֽם׃
The Ohr Hachaim points out:והעם לא נסע. תלה הדבר בעם ולא אמר ולא נסע העם
The Torah stresses that the people decided to wait for Miriam.
This too begs the question: again, they do not control when to leave. If the annanei hakavod wait for Miriam, then they will wait for Miriam. If the ananei hakavod depart, they can’t wait around anymore. It won’t be noble; it will be suicidal.
Rav Goldvicht explained that the attitude of the Jewish people prompted the clouds to remain. They demonstrated their devotion and allegiance to Miriam, and Hashem reciprocated, showing tremendous respect towards Miriam by allowing the clouds to remain.
Now we can understand the criticism at Har Sinai. They camped at Har Sinai for close to a year. The clouds began to depart; it was time to go. If they fully appreciated the experience of living in the proximity of Har Sinai, they would have felt torn. They would have wanted to spend anther day, another week to really take in the moment. And as we find by Miriam, Hashem would have reciprocated and allowed them to remain. But they were thrilled to leave and move on to the next stop, leaving the Har Sinai experience behind them.
Receiving the Torah was a one time event, a unique moment that none of us experience in our lives. But every time we daven, we have that moment with Hashem. What is our attitude towards tefillah? When we stand with our feet together and recite the silent shmone esray, do we think about what we are doing? Does our attitude line up?
The gemara Yuma 53b explains that when we conclude shmone esray, we take three steps backwards.
כיון שפסע שלש פסיעות לאחוריו התם איבעיא ליה למיקם משל לתלמיד הנפטר מרבו
Since he has taken three steps backward, he should stand there and not return to his place immediately. This is analogous to a student who takes leave of his teacher.
We should wait there for a moment.
We can’t stay at Har Sinai forever, and we can’t daven all day long. But when we take those three steps back to enter into and exit from conversation with our Creator, we should take pause, and make sure our attitude reflects the experience.
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