Two weeks ago, the Boston Red Sox were playing the Baltimore Orioles, and in the course of the game, Manny Machado of the Orioles slid into second base, injuring the Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia. What followed in the coming days is a baseball tradition as old as the game itself: retaliation.
Two days later a Red Sox pitcher “unintentionally” threw a fastball towards Machado’s head, which he luckily avoided.
This week an Orioles’ pitcher plunked one of the Red Sox star players in the hip.
The Red Sox responded by throwing a pitch behind Machado, and not long after, the Orioles hit another Red Sox player.
These events were followed by warnings, ejections, tirades, suspensions, and many expect the feud to continue as these teams play throughout the year.
While we hopefully all agree that it is wrong for grown men to hurl projectiles 95 miles an hour at each other, is there any legitimacy to baseball’s tradition of some sort of a retaliation?
Parshas Kedoshim teaches us many of the laws of interpersonal conduct, and among them, if you have not figured out where I’m headed, is LO SIKOM V’LO TITOR. Do not take revenge, you should not bear a grudge.
Rashi provides the famous example from the gemara in Yoma:
Reuven asks Shimon to borrow a sickle, and Shimon says no. Some time later, Shimon asks Reuven to borrow a hatchet. How does Reuven respond?
If Reuven says “I won’t lend you the hatchet because you wouldn’t lend me your sickle,” that’s the prohibition of lo sikom, taking revenge.
If Reuven says “I will lend you my hatchet, despite the fact that you wouldn’t lend me your sickle” that’s the prohibition of lo sitor, do not bear a grudge.
Reuven should overlook Shimon’s actions, and lend him the hatchet.
The Chizkuni, a 13th century commentary on chumash, sheds light on this halacha with a very basic question.
I understand the Torah wants me to lend the hatchet, but isn’t it a double standard? Reuven asked Shimon last week to borrow a sickle, and Shimon said no. Why didn’t the Torah prohibit that! Why doesn’t the Torah just command us to lend our sickles, and we’ll never get into this situation to begin with! Instead, Reuven and Shimon both refuse to lend their items, and in the Torah’s system, Shimon did nothing wrong, and Reuven violated a biblical prohibition. Why is that fair?
The Chizkuni explains that we are allowed to feel connected to our sickles. We love our sickle, we don’t want our sickle to break, and that’s okay; we are not obligated to lend it out. But that same action done out of spite, vengeance, or revenge transforms into an issur doraysa.
When we feel hurt by someone, that’s when we need to take a step back, consider our responses, and do what we can to prevent the situation from escalating. It can be difficult in the moment to refrain from reacting harshly, but the Chizkuni explains how we are to accomplish this based on the context of this commandment.
Immediately following the words lo sikom v’lo sitor is the famous phrase v’ahavta lreicha kamocha. If we can internalize vahavta lreicha kamocha, we can succeed it avoiding revenge. Sefiras Haomer is a time we mourn the loss of Rabbi Akiva’s students for not showing respect towards one another and failing to live up to their Rebbe’s mantra of vahavta lreicha kamacho. Whether it be an economic encounter like Rashi’s sickle or a verbal dispute with a friend or spouse, if we begin with a desire to love one another, if we focus on the positives of our relationships, and if we judge each other the way we would judge ourselves, we can resist retaliation, repair our relationships, and we can arrive at Shavuos reenacting the camaraderie of k’ish echad b’lev echad.
No responses yet